"You don't need to read the operator's manual to drive a car," my boss said. "You just turn the key and drive away. Why are computers so complicated? And why do I have to spend so much time keeping them running?"

That was years ago. At the time, I thought my boss was dumb when it came to computers. I told him computers are complicated systems that aren't intuitive. Besides, we didn't grow up with computers. They required more work from the user than the occasional oil change needed for a modern car.

Like I said, that was years ago. Last week I got to thinking my boss was either smarter than I thought, or I was dumber. Maybe both.

Now, computer apologists can no longer explain away all the time required to feed and water a computer by saying it is a new device. Most of the people who sit around me at work grew up with computers.

But instead of becoming maintenance-free like a microwave or even a modern car, computers are crankier than ever. There's always something to do, something new to worry about.

I used to feel sorry for people like my mom --- regular home users who have to buy anti-virus programs and anti-spam programs as well as programs that claim to tune up the computer and look for problems they can't even pronounce.

Now I feel sorry for myself.

I know my way around computers, both the software and the hardware. But --- lots of times now --- I run into real messes when the software required to protect us from the crooks, cons and vandals of the Internet acts in a crazy way.

To make things worse, you must rely on help from the Web site or manual. Even with commercial programs, it's hard to find free one-on-one help from a human.

An online help section can't be responsive to every specific problem. So, instead, you get a laundry list of things to try. By the time you finish all the possible solutions, you've spent a lot of time. That bugs me. Not only do you pay hundreds of dollars for the programs, you pay hundreds of hours a year in time.

Last month my Norton Internet Security program stopped updating itself. After following all of Norton's tips, it still wouldn't update. The final tip, if nothing else worked, was predictable. Remove the program and reinstall it.

That made me mad. It was like telling me to fix a leak in my roof by burning the house down and then rebuilding it. I removed Norton but replaced it with a free anti-virus program I downloaded from Grisoft (www.grisoft.com). My theory was that the tech support couldn't be any worse and the price was right.

Maybe you can tell. I'm sick of the hassle. I'll bet you are, too.

I think some Internet provider --- whether it's EarthLink or AOL or some company I've never heard of --- will eventually capitalize on the fact that so many of us are fed up. I hate juggling an anti-spam program, an anti-virus program and an anti-spyware program, and blocking pop-up ads and keeping my eye out for phisher sites.

I want some company to do all that for me. That company --- in my dreams at least --- will provide a clean pipeline to my computer. It'll remove all the viruses, take care of the spam, round up the crooks. It'll take care of all that maintenance and leave me with more time to use my computer. And it'll do it all without bothering me.

I'm sure I'll be contacted Monday morning by Internet providers claiming they do that now. They'll tell me about their spam filters, tell me about the free anti-virus software, offer impressive statistics of how much stuff they do behind the scenes to shield me. It won't be a lie. But I promise you it won't be true.

I dream of a day when I won't need an anti-virus program; a day when I can forget everything I know about spyware and adware because I won't need to know; a day when all those fake Web sites created by phishers never have a chance to knock on my door.

Is that a realistic hope? I'm not sure.

I am sure there is a lot of money in it for some smart company. If it could deliver that sort of service, the word would get around fast. From a business standpoint, this would be a killer application.

Now I'm going to write an e-mail to my old boss. I'll tell him he was right when he asked for a computing experience as easy as using a car.

I'll tell him that I'll honk as I drive by when that happens.

tecbud@ajc.com