I'd be forced to find a real job were it not for hackers, viruses, spam and spyware.

Without all that stuff, using a computer would be easy. All you'd need to know would be the location of the on/off button. The computer is pretty much used as an appliance these days, but it's different from most. You won't find magazines and columns devoted to advice on using your microwave oven, for instance. Nor do you need them.

We haven't reached that level with the computer, however. Instead, you fight a bitter daily war to keep data safe. And the computer criminals on the other side are pretty darned good at what they do.

Today we'll talk about the basics of computer security. I'll tell you how to enlist in Husted's Army of Computer Righteousness to give you more firepower in that war with the bad guys.

I'll be your supply sergeant. I can equip you with weapons that will help you survive the coming battles. When you enlist in the Army, you are not expected to pay for your rifle and helmet. So your weapons are free, too.

Let's start with the firewall. The firewall blocks attempts to invade your computer. While there are both hardware and software firewalls, most home users are candidates for firewalls of the software variety.

Every computer needs a firewall. Windows XP includes a built-in firewall --- it's not a great one, but it is much better than no firewall at all. A better free firewall can be downloaded at www.zonelabs.com. The company also sells firewall programs, so look for the link on the main page called "Free ZoneAlarm and Trials." Click on that and look for the heading "ZoneAlarm Free Download for business use only."

I can't give you a free router. But if you have a home computer network, you probably use one. Routers furnish additional protection against intrusion. That's because, quite literally, your computers hide behind the router while online. But even computers hiding behind a router still need a software firewall.

I wish I could say we're done. But we've just gotten started.

Anti-virus protection also is essential. A computer virus is just another computer program. But unlike your favorite game or word processing program, it is software designed to do harm.

When I started writing about computer viruses, most were created with destruction in mind. Some would erase the hard disk, others would put annoying messages on the screen.

There's been a big change in viruses over the past couple of years. Nowadays, they try hard not to be noticed. Many are created by skilled professionals --- instead of hackers --- and are designed to take control of your computer.

Once that happens, your computer is enlisted in an army of zombie machines. Often these captive computers are used to send out spam. That way the real spammers are less likely to be located.

Besides putting you at risk of being a secret spammer, these viruses will slow your computer.

A good anti-virus program is needed here. And it should be regularly updated, otherwise it won't be able to find newly created viruses. Luckily the equipment I'll issue you here fits the bill.

The free anti-virus program I recommend comes from Grisoft and can be found at free.grisoft.com. Besides being free, it will automatically update itself. Even if Grisoft charged for this program, I would still recommend it.

I know you are staggering under the weight of supplies, but there's still more.

We need to do something about spyware and adware. The worst of this stuff literally spies on you. The best of it --- and that's not saying much --- tracks Web sites you visit so marketers can send you targeted spam. For instance, if you hang out on tennis sites, you can expect to get spam offers for tennis balls. God knows what you can expect if you hang out on seamier Web sites.

Even the relatively harmless variety of adware slows your computer down --- way down. I've seen computers with more than 200 adware and spyware programs hidden away. Computer repairmen tell me that the leading cause of slow computers is adware.

For a long time I've recommended two programs: SpyBot Search & Destroy and Ad-aware. You can find free versions of both at www.download.com. I still think both work fine, but I've added still another free program to my list. It's a free Microsoft product called Windows Defender.

At the moment, there's a link to Windows Defender on the main www.microsoft.com page. But things change fast on the Web. So if you can't find Defender on the main page, use the search box at the top of the Microsoft page.

OK, you're in the army now. Unfortunately, given the state of computer security, your term of enlistment is for life.

tecbud@ajc.com