PERSONAL TECHNOLOGY TechnoBuddy Let's make sense of gadgets together

By Bill Husted / STAFF

     Things haven't turned out the way we figured.

   You don't go to work in a car with fold-down wings that starts flying somewhere between your driveway and the interstate. And when you finally get home, there's no robot waiting at your door with a big glass of ice tea.

   Instead you have a house full of cranky gadgets. Stubborn video cassette recorders that come with incomprehensive manuals. Personal computers are even worse - you need a degree from MIT just to learn enough to write a letter.

   Technology was supposed to be our servant by now - that's what science magazines and newspapers were saying 20 years ago. But the tables get turned somehow. The question has become, "Who is serving whom?" We've become nursemaids to a bunch of spoiled machines - VCRs, PCs, home security systems, camcorders, stereo systems, automatic bread-makers, you name it.

   Well, starting this week I would like for us to meet here on Sundays and plan a guerrilla war against the gadgets in our life. It won't be easy - we're outnumbered. But, together, we can take on any VCR or PC ever made.

   It won't be a fair fight. We'll find ways to trick them into doing things our way.

   Here's how we're going to win this war.

   First, we'll crack the enemy's code - the stuff that passes for explanation in the gadgets' instruction manuals. From the way most manuals are written, you would think you were learning how to land a Boeing 747 in a thunderstorm. Instead, all you want to do is videotape "Airport II" and not end with a 60-minute special on swamp-buggy racing.

   So we'll take in plain English here.

   Second, we'll take hostages - kidnap some of the experts that created these electronic monsters and get their help. We have ways to make them talk.

   Third, we'll stick together. Along with this column, you'll find a number to call. That's so we can keep in touch. You tell me what you need to know, and I'll find out out. That way we'll take out the big targets first .If your PC gives you fits, or if you want some information on buying a CD player, just say the word.

   One last thing; If we're going to war together, we can't start off with a lie, I'm no genius. You'd find out sooner or later anyway, so it is better that you hear it from me now.

   I am not one of those experts you read so much about these days. What I am is a 13-year-old-hiding in the body of a middle-aged man. I get a kick out of staying up all night figuring out how to use a new program on my PC, or wiring up a switching system so I can watch the downstairs VCR upstairs.

   But, in a lifetime of messing with gadgets, I've gotten to know a lot of experts-even some with common sense - and have learned a trick or two myself. So, if you are tired of feeling like a fool every time you turn on a switch, maybe I can help.

   Staff writer Bill Husted covers technology for The Atlanta Journal- Constitution.